Next Monday is …

Next Monday is where the best version of yourself lives.
How many times do we say it? “Next Monday I’ll get up early and… (insert empty promise here).”  This usually happens after a shock look in the mirror or a drunken text message rant or an argument with a taxi driver about poor hygiene or customer service or spatial awareness.
It comes after  the frothy, potty mouthed spray at a gawping pedestrian or dimwitted driver. Sometimes it comes after a wrenching, carpet sprawled hungover depression hole about the way life is trending.
Next Monday, you just KNOW you will be different.
No more killing yourself with chocolate. No more much needed glasses of red wine that become a bottle and then gin and some whiskey and a midweek silent disco in your underpants. No more two hour afternoon couch naps with your shoes on. No more not calling your Mum, or your brothers or old friends gone silent through inertia. No more carbs after six pm. No more sugar, or procrastination, or excuses, or lies. No more looking at old photos and wishing there was a time machine. No more nostalgia fuelled Googlestalking.
Next Monday, you are going to live to your fullest potential!
No, you won’t.
Because this statement is a holiday house for the mind. This is fantasy dressed as reality, trick or treating down the long street of your made up, internal world. And it works. It works precisely because next Monday is an impossible dream. It works because it allows a body to write a hall pass for how ever many days it is until next Monday. It works because you get to be yourself for the weekend and not feel guilty about it.
Next Monday is the carrot and the beauty of this system, the very simplistic wonder of it is –  there is no stick!
Which is a tough truth to ingest. Life is this. Now. It is made up of those long Tuesday afternoon hours and online forms and time spent on hold or deciphering the garbled sentences of peppy call centre workers in some developing nation.
Life is not all spandex and roller skates, not even next Monday, when it will just be another guilty Monday climb out of whatever weekend hold you put yourself in.
Next Monday is where you live, whatever you are. And whether you change or not doesn’t matter. Next Monday is the day after this Sunday and the day before next Tuesday. It is where the best version of yourself lives, down the street from the unicorns and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

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